


I Will Love You Til The Day That I Die

by ChangeableConsistency



Series: Lean into the Discomfort [4]
Category: X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Dubious Consent, M/M, Past Child Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-02-25
Updated: 2012-02-25
Packaged: 2017-10-31 17:27:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/346608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChangeableConsistency/pseuds/ChangeableConsistency
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>3 years later...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I Must Confess It Can Feel Good To Feel Clean

"Stop fussing, you look perfect...You _are_ perfect."

Erik rolled his eyes as he adjusted the bow tie one more time and then looked himself over in the mirror, "I don't want to embarrass you."

He smoothed out non-existent wrinkles in the tux's lapels as

Jason came up behind him intertwining their fingers and nuzzling his ear, "Impossible. I don't embarrass."

Erik turned and rested his forehead against Jason's. 

"I do," he said seriously, "and I won't look foolish in front of that jackass Stark. Why did he even invite you to this thing? I thought you won that bidding war?"

"I did," Jason said with a vicious grin, "and now he's trying not to look like a sore loser."

Erik snorted, "And you're going to try to tell me we're going because you don't want to be a sore winner?"

"Oh no!" Jason laughed, "I'm going to gloat."

"Jason!" 

"Alright, alright," Jason kissed him sweetly, "to gloat and to show off my new fiancé."

"I haven't said 'yes'," he huffed, shrugging out of Jason's arms, checking his appearance one last time.

"Yet. You haven't said "yes" yet."

"Maybe I'm giving you time to change your mind?" He tried to make it sound like a joke, but neither of them could ignore the painful truth threading through the words. 

"Hey!" Jason pulled him away from the mirror, cupping his face, warm thumbs gently brushing over his cheeks, "I'm not going anywhere. You're stuck with me for the rest of our lives, wedding or no."

Jason sigh at the mulish set of Erik's mouth, "I know how much it hurts you to admit it, but you do love me, and you're not going anywhere either."

Jason said it almost as a command, liquid brown eyes, so dark as to be mistaken for black, drilled up into Erik's own stormy green ones.  Erik's mouth tightened briefly with fear, before he nodded once, sharply.

"And you'll say yes when you're ready to say yes, not before," Jason stretched up slightly to kiss the tip of Erik's nose.

"And in the meantime you'll put whatever ridiculous bit of arm candy Stark drapes himself with to shame." 

Jason hugged him quick and tight before releasing, giving him the space he needed. 

Erik cleared his throat, "I'll check on the car."

"I'll meet you downstairs with our coats. Try not to glower the chauffeur into a puddle." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5 points to the first person that can guess who Tony's date is. (It really shouldonly be 1 point, it's the obvious answer.)


	2. Something So Beautiful It Hurt Deep Inside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you do not trust enough.- Frank Crane

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Could be triggery for potential non con and past child abuse (graphic).

Charles asked him once, during a lazy day of fucking, where he had gotten the scar on his arm, tracing it with his lips.

  


He'd managed to stay relaxed, the familiar lie coming easily to his lips. 

  


"I fell out of a tree when I was seven." He pulled Charles up by the hair for a punishing kiss.

  


Charles broke it, gasping, "I always imagine you as such a grim little boy..."

  


Erik twisted Charles around, biting and licking his neck before working his way down Charles' smooth and freckled back. Charles started to pant.

  


"...it's hard to...see you playing...climbing tre..Oh oh, yes, please Erik," as Erik effectively changed the subject by rimming Charles until he incoherently begged to be fucked again.

  


When Jason asked, it was well after the ground rules had been set.

\---- 

  


Their first time together, the hotel sheets crisp and clean around them, Jason had said, "Promise me now, you'll always give me the truth."

  


"Always?" he asked with a smirk, "Always seems a bit much, doesn't it? I'll be gone before the morning." 

  


"Then what do you have to lose?"

  


Jason's eyes, dark and intense, stared down at him as he hesitated.

  


"If you can't give me the truth, you can remain silent; but whatever happens between us, no lies," Jason rubbed his thumb over Erik's lower lip. "No half truths. No lies by omission. Promise me now or I'll walk out that door."

  


Erik wanted to laugh him off, push him away, grab his shirt and cut his loses; or say 'Sure' and get to the good bits. This was just another quick hotel bar fuck before he left for the next town, it's not like any lies he told would matter, he'd be long gone before any could catch up to him.

  


But something made him search Jason's eyes; there was a connection, something he hadn't felt in well over two years, since-

  


He cut himself off and, heart racing as though he was headed for the edge of cliff, he nodded, sucking Jason's thumb in to nip at it with sharp teeth.

  


"Out loud, please." Pulling the digit away, once again demanding instead of asking, and Erik found himself responding.

  


"Yes, okay...No lies." He finished unbuttoning Jason's shirt, the fine silk catching on his calloused fingers, "So are we going to fuck, or talk about our feelings all night?"

  


Jason stretched out on top of him grinding his erection into Erik's hip, "What do you think?"

  


\---

  


Later, after he thought Jason was asleep he started to ease out of bed, but either Jason was still awake or a really light sleeper, because a warm tan arm stretched over his chest and grabbed his wrist, pinning him in place with surprising force.

  


"Stay."

  


"I...I really should go."

  


"We both want you to stay. So stay."

  


He stroked Jason's arm with his free hand, and then tried to peel away the fingers at his wrist, which tightened, just shy of leaving bruises and his pulse throbbed under the firm grip.

  


"Please," he whispered into the dark, "Let me go."

  


"Why?"

  


"Because I asked?"

  


Jason loosened his hold, but didn't let go completely, his lips brushed Erik's ear as he whispered, "The real reason, please."

  


Why did Jason's requests always come across as orders? And why was that such a turn on? He felt his resolve weaken. "I'm leaving town in a few hours and need go get some sleep."

  


"Sleep here."

  


"I can't."

  


"Can't?"

  


"Please, Jason..."

  


Jason nuzzled his ear, chin rasping at his jaw, "You promised me the truth. Now, before I let you out of my bed," he drew his leg over Erik's, "I'll have the reason why."

  


Feeling trapped had never felt so good. He was stronger, his body trained to fight, he could be out the door in minutes, out of San Francisco before sunrise. Jason couldn't stop him. He could walk away; he'd certainly had enough practice. 

  


But Jason wasn't wrong. He wanted to stay. The bed was comfortable and Jason's weight felt so right. He was too close, fuck, how'd he get in so deep so fast? The last time he'd wanted this much...he couldn't breath, couldn't do this...

  


"Stop." Jason's voice was an anchor in the night, "Stop panicking. You can go; just tell me why."

  


Jason's tone was low and even, the hand on his wrist had all but released him; Jason's fingertips stroking at his pulse point.

  


"I...it's too much. I've never...I haven't...it's not me. It's not what I do."

  


"Tell me why."

  


Erik rolled into Jason's arms, instinctively trying to change the subject with his body; mouth hot and wet at the bite mark on Jason's shoulder from earlier. He couldn't see it, but he'd spent enough time there once he discovered it was a hot spot that it was like a homing signal.

  


Jason was suddenly, achingly hard beneath him, arching upward with a moan before catching himself, pulling Erik's head back sharply with two fistfuls of his short hair, barely enough to hold onto, but it got his point across nicely.

  


"None of that. While I'm certainly game for another round," Jason said as Erik gasped, sliding the hardening length of his cock up against Erik's as he pulled the captive man's head down for a lasciviously long lick, his tongue was wet and firm along the stubbled jawline and then Erik lifted his head, following the insistent tug of fingers tight in his hair, "But first you have to answer me." 

  


Erik whimpered, Jason's skin a heat he needed like a drug. He was twisted around, unable to think straight, he was grateful for the thick black curtains, certain that if he could see he would fall off the bed; off the world. He braced his hands on the bed above the magnetic stranger's shoulders.

  


He panted as Jason held his head in place with one hand; his other hand reached down to wrap around their cocks, hot iron and velvet, the friction a delicious torture. 

  


"Tell me, Erik. Tell me or I'll stop."

  


The strain was incredible, like nothing he'd ever felt. He was close, so close he could taste it on the back if his tongue.

  


"Please..."

  


"Do you want me to stop? I will if it's what you want me to do. All you have to do is ask." Jason's voice was hoarse, almost as affected as the tight bundle of need above him.

  


"Ask me to stop or tell me why, Erik." 

  


"Nothi-" It was inexorable; he lost the battle with himself, his own methods turned against him. He wasn't sure why he corrected himself, lost in a haze of need, "nightmares."

  


He blushed in the dark, feeling foolish and euphoric as he admitted it aloud, blood pounding in his ears as Jason's hand sped up and his grip tightened, causing them both to cum, coating hand and abs.

  


The catharsis left him drained, the spike of uncontrollable LUST/NEED/WANT/ANYTHING fading, as though he'd been running for a lifetime and only now was allowed to rest. In a way it was true. 

  


Tears pricked his eyes, and as in all his weakest moments he felt regret for not sharing this with- 

  


He slammed the door on that thought, he wasn't worthy of indulging in self pity, not after what he had done, the pain and destruction he left behind. It wasn't fair to-

  


It wasn't fair to _him_ and it wasn't fair to the man that had taken him apart like the finest watchmaker. His shame could fill an ocean.

  


Jason hummed compassionately, feeling Erik's mood swing wildly, not sure which way he would fall. When he didn't lash out in anger or storm off in embarrassment, he folded Erik to his chest, hands firm down his scarred and contoured back to his narrow waist, then repeating in soothing stokes. He tucked Erik's head to his neck, twisting him like a pretzel; Erik hid his eyes against the darkness, breathing in Jason's scent like a balm, tears wet against his skin.

  


"Thank you," Jason whispered into his hair. He kneaded up Erik's back, easing out the tension, working out the knot at the base of his neck.

  


When Erik seemed to regain his composure, Jason fumbled for his chin, pulling him up to kiss the corner of his eye, his rough cheek, before capturing his lips in a kiss more comforting than hungry, the bonfire banked to embers. 

  


Erik floated on a sea of hazy contentment.

  


"Stay," Jason whispered, resting Erik's head on his shoulder. 

  


He felt a nod and just caught the barely spoken reply, "I'll try."

  


Jason wrapped his arms around the impossibly narrow waist and said softly, "That's all I'll ever ask."

  


They basked in each others arms,  and as Erik drifted to sleep Jason asked, "Should I wake you, if...?"

  


"I don't know," came the reply, slurred with sleep, "I've never..."

  


And he was a sleep. Jason hugged him tightly.

  


"I've got you," he whispered into the night,"it will be OK, I've got you..."

  


\----

  


"No!"

  


The growl woke him seconds before his air was cut off, long fingers around his throat.

  


"Fuck you! Fuck you old man!"

  


Jason choked and struggled, trying to pry the fingers loose, gasping stolen breaths as Erik's hands twisted, knees pinning down his chest.

  


"You're dead. I killed you!"

  


Jason gave up on his lungs, and reached for the lamp, touching the base and blinking as a glow filled the room. 

  


Erik's face was inches from his, teeth bared in a feral snarl and then he reared back as if slapped, the color draining from his skin, leaving it as pale and fragile as ancient parchment. Jason gasp, sweet oxygen rushing to his blood.

  


"Oh God," Erik wailed, eyes gray and wide with terror, "Jason..."

  


He scrambled out of bed, but Jason followed; he shut his eyes and braced himself for a blow that never came.

  


Instead gentle arms wrapped around him and a hoarse voice murmured, "Shhhh. Shhh, it's over."

  


Jason rocked him slowly, running his hand through Erik's hair and, cheek to cheek, softly said, "I've got you. Come back to bed."

  


\---

  


A couple months later they were flying to a conference on the Wyngarde corporate jet and Jason looked over the top of the dossier he was reading to watch Eric stare out the window.

  


Erik's fingers rubbed at a scar on his arm, a frown on his lips.

  


Jason set the folder to the side and took his arm, kissing the scar; Erik shivered with deja vu as Jason asked, "How did you get this."

  


"I was seven," he started, then paused, "I was seven, it was just after he... just after Mama's funeral. We argued. I wanted to go live with Oma. He grabbed my arm..."

  


Warm brown eyes met stormy green, "Try. Tell me what you can. Stop if you need to."

  


He felt the empty ache, the familiar pain as he thought of everyone he cheated, opening up to Jason like he should have Ch-. 

  


Thinking of him while opening up to Jason. 

  


His Stepfather was right, he was worthless, a poisonous bastard, only capable of causing pain.

  


By now Jason knew the expression, and pulled Erik's wrist to his mouth, biting sharp enough to sting, just shy of breaking skin. He was sadden to see that the bruise from the last time this happened was still visible, but also proud of Erik for how much it had faded.

  


"What have I told you?" Jason demanded. "You love Charles and you need to stop punishing yourself for thinking about him."

  


Erik flinched at the name. He'd rather spend a week talking about the scars his Stepfather gave him than reopen those self-inflicted wounds. "Don't."

  


Jason searched his face and sighed. 

  


"You were telling me about this," he strikes the scar on his arm with his thumb.

  


Erik closed his eyes and took a breath. Then another.

  


"He wouldn't let go. I had to get away. I _had_ to." Erik's breathing became uneven, "I pulled, he twisted."

  


\----

  


The snap startled both of them, bone peaked out of the skin and blood dripped down his arm. 

  


Shaw back handed him, "Look at what you've done now, you little shit."

  


Erik felt tears well in his eyes. It didn't hurt. Ach du lieber, why didn't it hurt? He looked up at his stepfather, lips turning blue as he trembled.

  


\----

  


Erik had gone silent, eyes dilated. Too far, he'd pushed to far. One of his Master's was in psychology and still these missteps with the man he loved. 

  


He knew better. He really needed to get him to see someone neutral, but his judgment was cloudy when it came to Erik and his protective instincts kicked in.

  


"Erik? Sweetheart? Come back to me. I need you to come back to me..."

  


He stroked Erik's hair off his forehead, running his finger through the silky locks, "Erik? It will be OK. I'm here, I've got you. Please come back."

  


Erik blinked, eyes focusing on Jason.

  


"I'm sorry, Jason," his voice trembled, "I can't."

  


"Thank you." Jason kissed him. "Next time don't push yourself, tell me 'No'."

  


"I'll try."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We'll get back to Charles, I promise.


End file.
